It's not getting any easier to write these daily updates, seeing Nancy today was ... I'm not sure my vocabulary is big enough for this - because it is not sad, it is not hard but it is certainly not easy seeing her like this either.
I got to the Hospice at around 11.30 and found John and Adam chatting outside residence. I went to see Nancy - knowing I might have to leave again if she was asleep, but I bumped into Christine who was going to see Nancy to let her know that she'd be in to see her tonight and we went in together.
Nancy really felt the need to clean her teeth and I asked if she'd let me bring everything to her instead of her trying to find the strength to go to the washroom. I raised the bed - and she fell against me and just let me sit there holding her till she found enough strength to lean back. Even little things are getting tiring for her.
I left her to sort herself out - dignity is a big thing and one we don't want to let go till we absolutely must so I went and got her fresh iced water. When I got back she was happier for having done what she really wanted to do. I lay next to her for a while chatting - she had been sad this morning and we talked about how this is a battle she cannot win and that would be hard on anyone to accept. She feels teary about this today. Thankfully Christine promised to come back to see her tonight - this I hope will help and give her some peace of mind.
While holding her I returned the phrase "this too shall pass" and she just nodded gently ...
love,
B
it must be so hard to see Nancy's slow decline in abilities to get things done. She is obviously appreciating the insight, practical help and emotional support for her and her other nearest. Thinking of you and all x
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