It feels so quiet in Ottawa today - when I left hospice yesterday midday I had agreed with Adam that I'd be at the hospice this morning at 8 to be with Nancy for the morning ... and now there is nothing ...
I didn't cheer - I did light a candle and have a glass of wine ... we all do this whichever way we have to, and Nancy knew that I was not one for cheering when feeling sad - so I didn't cheer.
I did kiss her, and I did tell her I love her, and I also told her she is an absolute Superstar and has been in all of this. Seeing her last night - lying in her bed - I wasn't sure how I would handle that, but as with everything else she made it very easy for me. I had a fairly long conversation with her before the funeral home came to pick her up and we all walked her out of May Court.
I will miss Nancy - I believe many of us will. And it will take time for me to get used to her not being around. I will miss the emails and her popping in for tea, to plant something in the garden or to check out what was new around the house.
I hope we have provided what I set out to do - make you all feel part of her last journey. I feel that at times it became very personal but at the same time I wanted you all to know what was happening here in Ottawa as it happened. I know Adam told her about the blog so I do not feel we stepped on her dignity.
I guess there isn't much more to say, the blog has served its purpose and now it is time to heal. Because despite age or illness - Nancy was Nancy, and she was an aunt, a surogate grandmother and a dear dear friend to me and mine, and as we all know - death is very final and it is the living who needs the time to figure out a way to continue without their loved one.
RIP Nancy - with all my love, Birgitte
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